Staying Put

I try to keep things pretty positive on here, but I think the talk of self-care is extremely important when talking about Health & Fitness. I have been going through a bit of a tough time lately, and as a result taking care of myself became the least of my worries. One day, I simply skipped the gym. All the little bits and pieces that amounted to rolling out of bed, putting on my clothes, grabbing my gear and bounding out the door just did not seem or feel worthwhile. Then I skipped a meal because I could not be bothered to unfreeze the chicken and pop a sweet potato into the microwave. After skipping the first meal, it became easier to miss 2, 3 and 4 meals. Fill a whole in the day with mini Peanut Butter cups or a bowl of ice cream and then head back to bed, my stomach grumbling from lack of nutrition.

We do not always take note of the different ways in which an eating disorder or disordered eating habits can present themselves. It does not mean that if one day you eat more or less than usual you should be running for the hills. But if after a week, two weeks, three weeks you still notice an immense difference in your eating patterns–primarily if you are sustaining yourself on much, much less food than before or having more and more frequent episodes– then you should take note. I used to think these were just bad days, but I realize that as they pile up consecutively it is not just a bad day. I have for a long time internalized suffering. I know I have a problem with taking it out on my body. For me, it is a real issue with relinquishing control and tapping into love even when the sun does not come up.

This week, I am working on eating 5-6 square meals a day. I have times where I stand in the doorway of the fridge, and despite their being options I still close the door and walk away. It is not the most glamorous or most “inspiring” part of creating a healthy lifestyle but for many I realize that dealing with disordered eating is a very real part which is why I share my own struggles with all of you. This week I cannot and will not walk away.

Tell me, will you stay put with me?


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