I was compelled this past Monday to travel up to Target, try on bathing suits and buy a bikini. This is the first bikini I have ever bought and owned. It is the first bikini I have ever tried on– EVER. Now, I do not feel comfortable (yet) to parade in said bikini on the beach. Instead, I am using this bikini as my motivation and to take progress pictures.
I have not taken progress pictures since February 12th but it felt like time. I finally feel that I can get back into working out and eating right because I simply enjoy it rather than to look a certain way or lose a certain amount of weight, etc. The first step was weighing this Monday morning. I did not feel any kind of gripping shame as I pulled the scale out from under my drawer. It was just a necessary evil to understand where I was starting, and get an idea of where I want to go.
The result was better than I expected! I was expecting to be at 160lbs, but I am 149.2lbs and it seems I have been sitting at this weight for some time now. The best part was that afterward I did not attack myself with disparaging thoughts. Instead, I felt ready!
So here is where I stand today:
I jumped back into working out today by hitting chest, arms, abs and then 20 minutes of cardio on the treadmill. It felt great to get back to the gym and focus on making the gym my “me” time again. It is easy for me to allow depression to overtake my life and I am putting my foot down. I will not allow it. I want to control my life. I want to draw my own path. I will what I want, and what I want is to be happy, successful and passionate in every aspect of my life– in my career, in my Health, & in my relationships.
So I guess I would consider this step one in learning to love my body, myself and my life.
Who’s with me?