Apathy & Body Image

I found 9 Photos That Show How Media Really Affects Women’s Body Image while scrolling through my RSS Feed the other day and what struck me most was not the photos, but my reaction to them.

Put simply, I had none.

I was not shocked, or emotional, or even disgusted.

On a day to day basis, despite the fact that I have lost a considerable amount of body fat and weight, I still end up–at least mentally– as inked as these women in the photos. I tug at my stomach, and mentally circle over my hips and through the tummy. I throw my arm into the air and draw lines through the inner bicep. My inner thighs and Dominican booty probably get it the worst.

But it does not stop there.

If I were not so against plastic surgery, I might go for a little nips and tucks on my face as well. Thin out the nose, remove the mole, widen my eyes. You know, essentially make myself pretty.

Dislike for my body has always (negatively) tied into my self-image. Just 2 weeks back I spent a day on the couch ignoring my father after a very intense argument we had amongst ourselves because he told me not to eat more sweets or I would get heavy again. What upset me most was that at no point do I feel I have stopped being heavy. I constantly compare my current body to my ideal: chiseled abs, muscular arms, and cut legs.

I know I have convinced myself that I cannot be pretty unless I achieve that body. I know self-love is about moving past that. Allowing yourself to just be you, good and bad. I am still learning. And this article helped me see how embedded these feelings and thoughts are. So much so that where I would usually be reactionary, I am not.

-TLD

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